This technique is more effective than walking a mile in their shoes — I dislike conflict. I hate arguing, and try to never say behind someone’s back anything I wouldn’t also say to their face. In person. With my mom watching. Sitting next to theirs. This applies to traffic situations, dicey customer service, and anything online. My MO when I’m feeling heated and…

People try to rise to the level of expectations you hold — Some people feel it is better to be a blank mannequin, rather than be truly seen and open ourselves up to the devastation. There’s something that is so scary about being vulnerable. About truly showing another person who we are, flaws and all. Will they run away? Will they point…

Ideally, it’s both. Practically, it’s whoever has the bandwidth at the moment. — Every time I post a piece mentioning how well my partner contributes to household duties, I invariably get one of two responses from women: “You’re so lucky. He’s a unicorn,” or “Most men suck, leaving women to do all the work in the house.” They’re really variations on the same…

How fluency in many languages fosters connection, with food first among them I realized on a recent trip to Mexico that I might have a knack for languages. When I was in high school, it was standard for everyone to take two years of a foreign language; While most kids…

Questioning established roles and changing family dynamics — Everyone in my boyfriend’s family has been with their spouse for ages. We’re talking decades. Both he and his brother married young (BF was 22 when he met his ex-wife; his brother was 15 when he started dating the woman he married). Family bonds are difficult. No matter how you’re…

Once our basic needs are met, we all seek happiness, but how do we know when we find it? — For months, I’ve felt like something was off. It wasn’t until a phone call with an old friend and a follow-up discussion with my partner that I could figure out what it was. Leah was my roommate for a spell back when we were in our early 20’s. We met…

If they know your standards and don’t meet them, it’s because they don’t want to. — From what I’ve seen in the relationships around me, and the world at large, men typically don’t initiate relationship talks when they’re unhappy; Instead, they just look for reasons to leave. Women on the other hand, typically talk a lot and often, explain how they feel, beg for something to…

On the rare occasions my boyfriend and I disagree, this is how we get past it — My boyfriend and I rarely argue. We both come from previous relationships with partners who thrived on the debate and crushing their opponent — us — in order to prove their point for the win. Neither of us felt heard or valued by our spouses. …

Cats and dogs really can tell you what you need to know about their person? — When Trevor met Violet, he was captivated by her sarcastic sense of humor, ability to hang with the boys (and drink them under the table), and her mesmerizing dance skills. …